Yes, saying what I mean and meaning what I say is difficult for me.
I really need to focus on my recovery and do all that I can for that.
A big part of me is not wanting to be the one to end a marriage.
With alcohol in the picture, trying to "fix" our marriage doesn't make sense and I need to step away from that and accept it is not working and focus on me and what I need right now.
It's this suspended period of wanting AH to seek recovery and yet not seeking my own recovery and what I need. He may never seek recovery and being separated from him is making me see a little clearer some aspects of our marriage that may never work.