The Expense of Alcoholism
Not been on the site much - busy with new job and recent decision to divorce - which was all surrounded by a 2nd attempt at treatment for AH but was apparently not the right time - came home 48 hrs later on a Greyhound stating "it was a waste of his time" ...
________ Short story __________
Married for 22 years and no children. He's struggled with alcholism for over 10 years and went through treatment about 20 months ago after near liver failure.
Last fall - went through bankruptcy when his(our) business went out of business. This business was based on his trade - I too had my own business.
Fast forward to January - I moved out of the bedroom after we agreed about divorce - he was drinking then and probably thought I jsut moved out because I so "cold". I'm truly done with his alcoholism, never been so sure in my life (I'm a grateful member of alanon) and he feels I'm the ice queen and I'm the reason he drank - so he agreed to a divorce too.
First of February - he hits a false bottom and "must" go to treatment. Required a medical detox for 5 days then treatment. He stayed for 48 hours and caught a greyhound home - stating treatment was "a waste of him time".
We both want this divorce - just difference reasons. I've taken a new job in an industry that is not suffering like the one I was in. He's been a fulltime student for almost 2 years, on unemployment.
So medical bills will probably be around $3-4k after insurance pays their part: this is for the recent "I need treatment or I will die" followed by "Waste of my time" My new job cannot afford this ...
Am I wrong to think he should pay for these bills? I asked repeatly for him to allow me to help ( I know - dah! I know I should not have done that to myself or him) when he was drinking and I threw my hands up ... hoping that it would force him into acceptance of his condition and get help. His AA sponsor was SO pissed about his actions around his treatment "visit".
I need prespective - what is your view on this? I just don't understand how he feels so strongly about me "paying half" on this - I paid dearly for many years and also all the vodka and pizza ...
He actually even compared it to our costs for infertility treatments - stating he didn't know this marriage would cost "him" so much money. We knew before we got married I had troubles - this comment just lead me to believe part of his troubles are still connected to that time in our life ...
I know it took both of us to get to this point ... I'm so far from perfect. We will never know what came first - chicken or the egg (drinking or the ice queen).
SO appreciate your insight - REALLY appreciate this site ... thanks.