It's Ok. I know this feeling. Its hard.
You stopped being around him because of this. You are rebuilding and focusing on your own life because of this.
You just remember this, now. And in 3D technicolor it is hard to deny what a mess he is. Pointing out how good he looks, smelling like beer....going to the bar in the afternoon.
Sometimes when I see My RAH I get that pang of familiarity and soft feeling for him, but it does not take long, EVER for him to show his dark mind. And I remember more and more quickly each time that I made the right decision. I made the proper choice for me.
Everytime I even THINK about whether he is going to meetings, or whether he is going to the bar to "not drink", I just try to reel my energy back from that black hole, and reinvest it in myself...
Am I going to meetings? Am I spending time where I should? Am I exercizing? Taking care of me?
Do I look and feel good?
I am even becoming sort of greedy about it. I want that energy for ME, ME ME!!! LOL.
That whiff of beer is the tip of an iceberg you sent packing already.