Something I read recently... Direct quote, "If you are in a relationship with someone who has a relationship with a substance, you have a rival with whom you cannot compete. You need to give some long, hard thought to the relationship and to your expectations about the relationship; you need to make a careful assessment of what really exists versus what you would like to have exist"
You and your kids will NEVER come first in your addict's life, as long as he is actively using. I don't believe it means he doesn't love you and your family. He just can't put you first and maintain an addiction. He is emotionally unavailable.
I am sorry he let you down. I imagine its not the first time and guess it won't be the last. Be very careful allowing yourself to be set up in the first place. I am getting much better with the separation to smell a set up coming and side-step it.
Stay strong!
~T