I am the mom of a heroin addict (now 6 mo in recovery)..it sounds like you are working really hard not to enable which is great.The hard part is knowing we can't control the other enablers, like the bf's mom..she sounds very sick. I don't have grandkids, but imagine that at this point, that is the truly hard part..there are alot of gma's on here, some who are raising the kids..they will be along soon I imagine..do you go to alanon or naranon? It has helped me immensely...