Nina2dogs

I guess I posted in the wrong forum, but issues are the same. I have a daughter who is addicted to heroin and xanax. She's had the usual problems with being an addict and I know what I have to do, made a major decision this past week when her BF was arrested for failing drug test and is now in jail, at least until he appears in court at which time he can go away for 2 years. He's been on probation and has had 2 year suspended sentence for intent to distribute Class A. Third time he's violated probation, so I'm figuring, hoping he's going away. My dilemma - she went to jail for 4 months last year, got out and moved in with him at his moms. She got pregnant, had the baby this past September. She had been doing pretty good while she was pregnant because she was being monitored. Now, she's slipping again. I talked to her as she tried to lie about what was going on, the usual crap, but she was using something and I'm sure doesn't remember our conversation. He has to go to court next week and I'm going over to the house and making my plans known. I've decided that I am not watching this happen again and I'm not doing anything for her such as carting her kids around (she lost her license when she went to jail). I don't give her money so that's not an issue. Now, her boyfriends mother provides everything for them...she didn't want him working because he goes to school and doesn't want him stressed so that he starts to sell drugs again!! So, he doesn't work. He goes to classes a few hours a week. He still sells to a select few. So that makes it available to my daughter. I'm of the school of thought that you cannot get sober if you are with an addict/associate with an addict/anything that will trigger you to use. With her providing everything, she's a bit slow on the uptake I'm thinking, how do I get it across to my daughter what she needs to do? I did mention that if he goes to jail for 2 years, she may kick her out and take the baby from her. Not sure if that has hit home yet. How do I get thru to her, how should I handle the plan I have of not being involved anymore? She has three kids, two of which were with me until last summer. She got one back and wants the other one which I'm not going to do, not going to lie in court, and the baby. I've had to take care of her kids and that's a problem which she falls back on. I just see her slipping into that xanax stupor again and I'm done with it. Ideas and thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

keepinon

I am the mom of a heroin addict (now 6 mo in recovery)..it sounds like you are working really hard not to enable which is great.The hard part is knowing we can't control the other enablers, like the bf's mom..she sounds very sick. I don't have grandkids, but imagine that at this point, that is the truly hard part..there are alot of gma's on here, some who are raising the kids..they will be along soon I imagine..do you go to alanon or naranon? It has helped me immensely...

mooselips

Hi Nina,
Glad you found us.
I'm the mom of 2 addict sons. The oldest one, (37) had a son with his GF, the baby is now 2 yrs. old.
My youngest son, (32) is in prison for selling Meth.


It changes everything when grandkids are involved. I would easily be able to detach from all the drama, but for the grandson.

If I read that right, you want to detach completely from her and her addiction, yet I'm not sure what you want to do about the grandkids?

One thing I know for sure, you seem to be trying to get her in your line of thinking, and that isn't going to happen. She has a good life right now, with his mom enabling her, and the children...doesn't sound like that's going to change soon.

And when you go to court, I fully agree, you should be telling the truth.

Not sure if I said anything substantial, but only your daughter can fix herself, and you already know that.

Hugs...from one grandmom to another.......

rose

Rarely what we say or try and hammer into their heads do they even bat an eye. Something that we have all had to come to except about the addict, our words mean nothing. That is what drags us down, they just keep going and going, losing bits and pieces of themselves, their lives, their families all for the dope.

Rose

kiki5711

tell her that if she don't straighten up, you'll take all the kids and file for "child support" from her. why should you be taking care of the kids and she gets a free ride.

My daughter was living with her boyfriend and somehow after watching my grandaughter one weekend, it turned out into two full weeks and counting. She had been collecting child support from the father of her daughter.

I told her I was going to take grandaughter away from her through court, that she couldn't see her until she sobers up and that I would demand child support from her.

She came to pick up her daughter the next day.