parent of addict
Just cruising around and found this site, seems to be quite a few but I figured I'd see about this one. I guess you could say I'm an addict by association but I've finally reached the end of my rope. I guess I'm also looking for confirmation in my plans or decisions.
My daughter is an addict, heroin and xanax. She has had the usual problems, isolating, OUI, jail, custody battles, along with losing touch with family and friends. She left her husband of 10 years and got involved with one of his friends who was/is a dealer but didn't think we knew. She liked how he treated her different than her husband did and I could see why she was attracted to him for that. She eventually moved in with him to a house that was questionable to say the least. Things started falling apart, it got very noticeable that she was using something. She had been in two accidents while driving under the influence. Her jail time was due to probation violations, she didn't feel she had to comply with such stupid laws and rules. So, she went away for four months. I got custody of her kids. During that time, his house was raided and he was arrested for distribution, got 2 yrs probation, 2 yrs suspended sentence. He moved back with his mom who refuses to see what is happening. When she got out of jail, we got together and I laid it on the line as far as how I felt about what was happening. Needless to say, she wasn't happy, denying everything. She got pregnant and had to be supervised more due to the baby and during this time she did very well, back to her old self, talking coherently, etc. Now tho, things are changing again and not for the good. He was arrested this past week for violating his probation, failing his third drug test. When I asked her about what was going on, she finally told me and that was it, sorry, probably not the best way to handle the situation but I told her either she gets help or I'm done until she does. She has taken the step to admitting she is an addict but for some reason she doesn't associate herself with other addicts because she has a roof over her head, kids have things they need, they don't steal, etc which is the life she had with her husband. Anyway, my problem I guess is making sure I do the right thing with her. I probably should have gone to NA meetings 5 years ago but think maybe I was a little afraid to do that. Her boyfriend has a court date on the 17th and I've decided that that is when the decision is going to have to be made as to whether she stays an addict or wants a sober life. I have told her before that two addicts can't get sober together and she needs to work on herself without worrying about someone else. It just makes me so mad that I have to worry about her backsliding and babysitting her. My life has been on hold for so long, from her and her husband, to taking care of her kids while she was in jail, etc that I don't want to do it anymore. I'll take her in and support her efforts if I see efforts being made to get sober, but does that mean I have to be here 24/7 to make sure she's not meeting up with another addict friend or sneaking around trying to get her drugs? I have plans for some weekends coming up and not sure if I have to cancel them because of this. Not sure if she will even take up the offer first of all, but I have a feeling that her boyfriend is going to go to jail for 2 years which will leave her at the mercy of his mother who very well may try to get custody of the new guy and throw her out once she gets a clue to what is going on under her nose. I guess I'm looking for some type of support or suggestions. Thank you.