I'm an alcoholic, and this is one of my favorite subjects. IMHO too many people are wimps about this part of the program (which actually starts with step 4). A few random thoughts on this:
* Protecting yourself via the "except when to do so would hurt them or others" is complete ********. We A's do not deserve that protection, the steps are there so we can deal with the consequences of our drinking. Anyone who disagrees should read the 12x12 on the 9th step, as well as some of Bill W's and Dr Bob's writings on the 9th step.
* An apology is not an amends. An amends almost always includes an apology but rarely is an apology enough. Did you steal money to support your habit? Pay it back. Did you bad-mouth someone to others when they were not around? Call each of these people up, tell them you were a drunken lying fool and none of it was true - preferably in the presence of the person you bad mouthed.
* You cannot make amends for everything. If you were not around when your kids were growing up, for example, those years are gone and there is nothing you can do to make up for that. This does not mean you do not try. Partial amends are possible, and you may be forgiven your misdeeds (as someone else said on this thread, she forgave her XAH for selfish reasons, so she could move on). If the latter happens you are still required to make the amends wherever possible.