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Old 03-09-2011, 03:51 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Blog Entries: 3
Count me in...14 yrs this August of marriage and 5 yrs prior "dating" and living together off and on.

so I'm in almost 20 yrs.

Look I have nothing positive to say here. My AH is in recovery...meaning he acts the same way he did w/out me having to clean up p#%% off my kitchen floor, or hustle my boys out the door to my parents when I could see things were going south fast.

Mine still says I should be happy that he never hit me or cheated on okay?

Being treated like crap for nearly 20 yrs I used to believe everything would be okay if only he would quit drinking everything would be fine.
Well not so much.

He's still quacking. I hear about how I'm not a good person, I'm mean, I'm controlling....whatever. He told me a month ago that he didn't think he loved me anymore and was planning on leaving me when I graduate.

I'm still a bit hurt but am more irritated at this point. I'm sooooo tired of the manipulation and craziness. Lately he's been talking about staying..and he wants to buy new furniture. Apparently I'm not the ONLY reason he doesn't like being home...he thinks new furniture will help him WANT to be here.... what a nutball!
I'm going to Alnon to help me cope and being that I've dealt w/ this twice before (both when he was drinking)....
I think I've decided that regardless to how HE feels or what HE wants...I've decided that I don't want this.
He's a crappy husband and father. That's just a fact.
I don't want to waste another 20 yrs in misery.
I can't decide for you what YOU can live with though.
Even my mom who went through the exact same thing tells me that I have to make my own decisions and she'll back me up either way.
I think for ME...being married to a guy that would treat me so badly, over and over and show no remorse, even blaming ME (if you were nicer..., if you would...blah blah blah)for his feelings or lack thereof...well I don't think so.
I FEEL I've wasted enough of my time trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved and decided it's not my job.

I'm planning my escape in August. I really don't want someone who can't honestly say they love matter how I feel about them, and right now, well I really can't say I'm liking him much no less love him.
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