Hi LonesomeD--
Welcome to SR. Hopefully you already feel better that you got to tell your "secret" story. Living with an AW can turn you into a different person. Saying things are fine when they are not, for example.
My marriage of 16 years is totally on the rocks at this point, and all I can say is you are not alone. Not at all. Keep reading the threads on this site, and try to find an outlet to really talk about all this stuff. Alcoholism is progressive, and things almost always get worse over time, more drinking, more drama, etc.
Two concepts that helped me: 1) looking at my wife as a sick person who was mentally ill (God knows that's how she was acting most of the time - this helped me be more merciful; and 2) "Detachment" - the concept that I would protect myself by not reacting to what she did or said, rather, I sometimes viewed her as if I was watching someone else's life. Almost like a movie or something.
This is a good time for you to reconnect with yourself, the sane person who you used to be prior to AW's mayhem. I personally denied and minimized it, made the best of it, tried to have some good moments along the way -- but all of those coping mechanisms had a serious effect on my own attitude and self-image. It's tough.
Al Anon is great. It can be downright soothing. Good luck and God bless -- come back often!