I'm sorry.
I think you are far from stupid. In fact, your insight on many threads is outstanding. I do, however, think you are very tired because of the violent attentions of this man. I am angry for you that you are tired and scared and that you are not protected from him, not through any fault of your own, but because abuse is just not taken seriously by the wider world until the hand-wringing starts after the event.
Thinking about you a lot today.