Hi CheekyAngel,
I can relate to your anger, and your frustration. I hope that you are ok.
I have an alcoholic son that I have had to deal with at times when he was drinking. It made me feel absolutely like I WAS going crazy, that I WAS going to have a breakdown. I have been in a dark place over it at times. I can tell you that those feelings did pass, for me. What helped me was to stop trying to get him to understand, or to get him to change. He would argue that nothing was wrong, while he would be staggering to stand up, smelling of cheap vodka, and looking terrible. Those were dark times. They did pass tho. Dealing with it alone was killing me, tho. I found help.
I do not try to change him anymore, and it is a great relief. The only person who can change an alcoholic is his self. When they hurt enough over their choices. That is not your job or your responsibility. You cant do it for her. But you can take care of yourself. You need to, for you are the only one who can. Your sister is very blessed to have you to care for her. but you both need help. and if you can learn how to deal with your mom, in a way that is good for you . a way that will not lead to more frustration.
can you and your sister get to alateen or alanon meetings? and if so, can you do it right away? not only will you get the support you need, you will learn things that you needed to learn all along.
stick around here too, and post as often as you wish. if you can come and talk instead of confrontations with your mom, it can help too. you can learn some very useful tools.
there are many people here who understand. and care.
sending you a hug, and hoping that you can believe that things will get better, they really will. you just need some help, to get to a better place,mentally too.
is there any family member who you can get to help you with some things? maybe you could get away for a bit, both of you. your mom is keeping you feeling stuck but there is a way out. it is just very hard right now to see any hope, but there is hope. you can take care of you, and let your mom deal with her choices. I know you are afraid for her. can you share with us why you feel you have to take care of her, aside from the fact that you love her? is she a danger to her self or to you girls?
you have a life that you are meant to live, and that life is very precious. sometimes we are afraid for things that will not happen, and it holds us back from doing what we would like to do, or things we need to do for US.
sending you a big hug, and please, keep posting. when you feel anger coming , take yourself away from the conversation, for you cant make her think sanely. you cant . so, maybe let it go, practice letting it go. calm your mind , and get away from crazy thinking. find a quiet place, and think about your life and what you want. you matter here, very much. and your sissy too.
sending another hug, from one child of an alcoholic to another. there is freedom from the fear and worry and sadness. please hang around here. it has helped me so very much.
xoxoxo
chicory