so called "high bottom" alcoholic?
I am not really sure how to proceed, or what course is right for me.
I have always been a big drinker, all throughout my teens and twenties. While I didn't get totally sloshed every day, there was a glass of wine at least once a day. My parents had no problem with this in my teens, so it was normal to me. In my mid-twenties all my friends got married. I got my own apartment. I was lonely all the time and increasingly turned to wine.
For the past 3-4 years, it's been at least one half of a big bottle of wine every night, sometimes more. I was fine but still a bit disappointed in myself for gaining weight, being groggy every morning. Every once in awhile there would be an embarassing episode but those were few and far in between because I was increasingly isolating myself. I live alone, have no BF, and few friends.
A few months ago, I quit my job and started my own business. It all fell into place relatively easily. The problem is that the drinking has gotten bad without the structure of a job. I began binging for 2-3 days at a time and drinking at my office. It would take me 1-2 days to get my head right after the binge to be productive again. I have tried to take breaks from the wine before, but have been unsuccessful.
In short, I know that my life is beginning to become unmanageable, although I haven't lost anything yet. I want to change my life and be the best I can be. I want to get married and have a family, not go down a self-destructive path. It's been the second day sober and yesterday I had to buy non-alcoholic wine so I wouldn't lose my mind.
I am not sure AA is right for me, and I am not sure that I could even stick with it at this point. I think maybe at this point I will try a thirty day and go from there??