You are sounding really good..grounded.Really glad your husband will go to alanon..often people won't go for themselves, but will to help their loved ones..whatever gets you in the door really doesn't matter.You are not the least important person in the mix..in alanon they teach us that WE are as important as the addict..so are our other kids, spouses, family members etc.. I love what Intoxicated said..my daughter says alanon is the best thing that ever happened to our family..she is in recovery now, 5 mo clean, but that was after living on floors, couchsurfing with addicts for 8 months..it was very hard, but I was able to have many times of peace knowing that I wasn't supporting her addiction in any way and getting healthy myself..being a sane role model. So sorry to hear about the kidney problem, but glad he is alive..even if you don't love your first meeting, try another, it can take a while to start to kick in , although my relief was almost instantaneous.......