Originally Posted by
BenRadBel 
Thanks guys. The reason we do not have a child yet is due to the back of my mind holding on to "he is an alcoholic". He keeps texting me how much he misses me, that I am all he needs.... doesn't sound like surrender to me. Last night he called and I just lost it, I told him how I felt, how freaking sad I was that my life is what it is right now, etc. He ended up saying stuff to where I would feel bad for him b/c he caused all the pain in my life. I just shut it down. I am not gonna do this. Well, off to my counselor!
You are very very strong and I know that does not give you the family you want, the child you would love to have, happiness, joy etc... But I am in awe of how strong you are.
I had 2 children with my claiming to want to recover alcoholic husband (not realizing he was an alcoholic and thinking that his horrid behavior was something I could fix if I were a better person). And they are both suffering. Even when things are peaceful at home, the damage has been done.
As hard as it must be to not have a child, you made a hard and courageous decision to not have a child bc your H is an alcoholic and that is something that you should feel very proud of...
