Mtnmagic
Thanks for checking in. I'm actually doing ok. I was actually counting and realized that if I make it through Friday sober I will have 18 days of sobriety. Things were dicey today before my quiz. It was an open book test. (Thank God for small mercies). I was actually writing, 'I want to drink' in the margins of my notebook.
When I got out of class I still had a good hour to buy alcohol but I went to the gym and before I knew what was what it was 11 pm and I was on my way home to shower and off to bed.
I was a perfectionist before I fell apart. Although it didn't matter how many winter coats I had (there was one weekend when I spent $1000 on coats without batting an eye) or how many shopping trips I made, I never felt good enough. I never felt like I had it quite right.
Once when I was having a fight with my sister, my cousin told me that my sis was intimidated by me. She said I had always done better than her in school, always had better clothes etc etc. I never thought that anyone would see me that way.
SereniTee, when it starts to fall apart it can be epic, no? I am trying to take care of myself better these days because I had completely given up. I think I might have gone about a year and a half without buying any clothes or shoes or doing my nails or anything. Now I don't have the money to go on those kinds of spending sprees.
Thanks for the tip of drinking water. I usually just drink lots and lots of coffee or tea but caffeine dehydrates I believe so that is definately something to take into consideration.
My brother had a 6 pack of coolers downstairs. Kiwi Mango Lemonade - Vector. Being tired makes me want one but I'm scared of what will happen if I drink. Every day that I stay sober kind of gives me extra motivation to keep going. I made it past the first two weekends with no alcohol, so I can do it again but right now I feel like I'm white knuckling it.
I hope that I can stay sober long enough to get into some kind of program and get this to stick. I have an appointment for an information session but it is nearly 3 weeks away. And its just an information session I dont even know if they have evening programs available.
Let go and let God I guess.