So sorry. It sucks! There's no way to sugar coat it. Once you make a decision that this is what needs to be done, the hurt is still there. You are grieving for the person you lost and the plans you made. Be gentle with yourself. Cry if it makes you feel better. Go out with friends. Go to an Al Anon meeting. I have never gone to one feeling bad that I didn't feel so much better when I left. Remember- you only have to get through one day at a time. I know it sounds like such a cliche but I found that helped me so much. On the bad days I would just think that I only had to make it through that one day. It was less overwhelming and I found the next day was usually better. It does get better.