I started dating someone who is a recovering alcoholic for a little over two months. Needless to say it didn't work out
I am very sad about this because I care for him very much, and I am worried about him. He's been sober for 22 months. In the beginning he wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with him and then one weekend he flipped and pushed me away. We have talked here and there about it and I can accept and somewhat understand that he doesn't feel stable enough to be in a relationship. We are in a non communication mode right now, mostly because he is having what I feel are severe mood swings and over reactions to situations (not just related to me). I cant stand there and be his punching bag friend although we agreed we wanted to still be friend at first.
Again I am worried about him and here is why. First the extreme mood swings. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells around him all the time towards the end. His harsh judgments of others and constant discontent with life in general. All the time he is "under pressure", "struggling" or "stressing out". He lives with his parents and his father is an alcoholic, even the few times I met him I could smell the alcohol on him. Every time he has to go to the fridge to get some food there is beer or liquor staring him right in the face. He never verbalizes the desire to drink however. He went through a year long treatment program and during that program he forged some close friendships with his fellow programees. He told me recently that since their graduation five of them have died and the rest have relapsed. He is the youngest and only one of his class left. Also he does not actively attend any sort of program since his release from the program. He also has expressed that he feels alone in everything he does.
I was never a huge drinker, only socially and once a month at most. I committed to quit drinking while we were dating to support him in his efforts. My mother and step father are both alcoholics, my step dad went to several short high intensity rehabs and relapsed every single time. During his recovery my mom never quit and I associate that with his failure. I do not want to be that person. Even though my ex and I are not together I still intend to stay abstinent and will be trying al anon classes. I have also done a lot of reading on alcoholism and recovery.
If he feels alone in everything he does, then why would he push away someone who wants to be there for him and has made active movements to adequately support him in his efforts?
Is there anything I can do? Even though my ex and I are no longer together or speaking I still love him very much and I fear for his relapse. Am I off base in my risk assessment? Should I just remain disassociated because he doesn't want my support or involvement? Should I really just walk away and cut my losses? I am so lost and my heart compels me to act, but my mind tells me otherwise.