I stopped drinking for 3 years, knowing at the time that I was an alcoholic (and drinking pretty steadily throughout the week). Then, 2 years ago, I had a conversation with someone about why I wasn't drinking, and his words "moderation is the key" latched onto me like a virus. It wasn't his fault, I used it as an excuse to trick myself into drinking again.
I did moderate my drinking for some time, then eventually thought "wouldn't it be nice to get hammered, just once?". So, I did, and then fell into a pattern of erratic, binge drinking. I started keeping a drinking diary a year ago, and the numbers are all over the place, but getting steadily higher. This is my pattern now (rather than continuous as it was before). Don't know why, I think it is this tug-of-war battle between the part of me that still believes that I can moderate (for a while), and the part of me that wants to just go for it. It is true, I can moderate for a while, then all hell breaks loose again.
All I need to do is refer back to my diary to see that my continuing attempts to moderate are killing me. My 2 year moderation experiment just ended with a four day bender, so I guess that's failed then
Anyway, day 3 for me now. Maybe this is an experiment we all have to try? I don't know. If it works, then that's great. If not, then (for me) it's 2 years down the drain and even worse health.