Myself again,
it really sounds like you have put in the years with your husband, marriage isn't supposed to be that way. My husband also gets mean and has done mean things when drinking, so much, that I have almost totally detached from him. After an incident, I think for days and days, or even longer, if I should just ask for a divorce, but I am still not ready. I feel like I don't like him most of the time, he is doing just enough to keep me going, I also feel like you in that we are just co-existing in our house. There is no romance or big love affair going on. We are just raising the kids. It seems like our marriage is something built for him, for his convenience and I am just part of it that he needs in order to keep up his habits. He told me that he won't quit drinking and he knows that he gets mean and abusive when he drinks. Yet he still chooses to drink. He doesn't want to split up, yet he complains that I don't do anything make him happy. I have quit doing things just to please him, now he thinks that is a sign that I don't love him. I have been such a robot under his control for so long. I am starting to change myself, that is all I can do.
I hope your decisions give you the freedom to be yourself again, you can do something to change your life and you are brave enough to take charge of your life again and make it better. I am hoping that I will find the same someday. Thanks for your post, it helps to read others situations and others getting better. Hugs to you! You are strong!
Laurylady