bestofme

Hi All,

Today is day 14 for me 100% sober (off opiates) and 1 motnh since last drink too!

I am feeling good but am hoping I made the right decision. I was seperated from me (not good for recovery but great for $ job) while I was in a daily outpatient program after I went into detow 1 months ago Today!

I work in a very specialized field that although I live ina big city its a large industry but being in it almost a decade, it also gets small. I never lost a job due to my using (the last one wasnt in this industry) but I have burned a couple bridges etc. so then the industry gets quite small.

I had a call over the weekend to come in to a location in my industry to start working in a much lower position and for much less $ that I am used to. Today I would have worked a full day "as a working interview" and as much as I was excited to get back to work, (no interview) which was a red flag but I saw it as an oppertuinty to get in there and show them all I can do which inclused upper management and being licensed and certified in this area, so there was a lot I could do for them. however it was taking a chance and the place would not be close to the "normal mommy" hours that I do have some fleibility around but is another thing that lead to my depression and (at least) excuse for using/drinking so much befor b.c I felt like I didnt have my little family, H and 4 and 1/2 year old D, b/c I was always on an opposite schedule then them, I felt as though I was just chasing the $ and didnt even feel a part of my family.

I researchd the place yesterday, and to start the website was full of spelling, grammar etc. mistakes. Then I start to research their reviews online and they are not using good practices as far as what their client results would be due to the euiptment they are using and having the knowledge that there is equiptment out there that actually workes for this, that really botheres me, especially w/ the honesty factor I am tring to incorporate in all areas of my life. I didnt want to "lie" to potential clients to make a sale telling them this is top of the line, "best" equiptment out there being used for hair removal (for example) when I know its not.

I decided not to go to the "working interview today" and I am so new in recovery, on day 14 today. I know the hours would have prevented me from going to meeting like I am now and throwing myself into recovery.

I prayed A LOT about it, and I just didnt feel comfortable with the situation, "ready" to go back to work, thet dont provide ins. etc. and never will, so although there was room to go in and graw, and with the economy being so small and my industry being so small and specialized I also feel like i just should have gone in there and at least tried. Oh I also founf out the medical director is an OBGYN w/ an expired license, which REALLY doesnt sit well with me. But it could have been income, a foot back into my industry I love so very much, but also potentially having to lie to people to make sales etc. I know in business there is always sometimes of having to "cover up" issues etc. that you may sometimes have to bend the truth to make the client, patient, customer, not know there even was a mistake so they could have a good experience. But this would be unethical to me, and outright lying, where i may need ot find a new career b/c binsiness, although I am really good at it and sales may not be right for me b/c a lit is a lie is a lit, I know no matter how "little" it may be.

Although I am luckily (had to withdrw to go into detox, iop etc) but still in school luckily and can easily change my career, or advance it, but thats not TODAY, that will now take at least a couple more years to finish and be able to enter a new field I feel more ethically better about th lying part of business or bending the truth for the benefit of the guest etc. but in the meantime it would have been income.

As you can see I made a decision, I know a lot of peopl eunemployed would have loved to have gotten called out of the blue to come in and work, and the $ was decent, and they wouldnt have complained and felt blessed and I just thew the oppertuinty away.

God has been, I feel, guiding me in all of my decisions and actions now that I am sober and can see clearly and my relationship with him is growing and I prayed a lot aobut this and it just comes down to I have to keep putting recovery FIRSTespecially with my history being where I NEVER thought I had a chance at recovery, now I am doing it, and I dont want to lose it, of course I dont want to lose my home either, and I am getting calls from resumes I have sent out.

Maybe I just need to pray for the right thing to come along where I wont feel like I am jeorpading my recovery, or maybe I didnt want to get up that early this morning and go, after yesterday I was so happy it woudl be my first time going into a job in the AM not worrying about if I woudl be hungover, and then what concoction of RX's I would need to take to feel better, have energy, and make sure I had enough for the day etc etc which was like a full time job within a full time job.

What do you all think? If anyone has any thoughts. Am I being dishonest w/ myself, would I have been jeorpading my recovery this early on by taking a job whrre I had to lie or bend the truth a lot, or should I have just gotten back out there to get back out there?

You can be honest, I can take it and I NEED it!

Thanks,
best