Hi Jako.
As I was reading your post I was planning on telling you that it seems like you have an addictive personality, but you wrote that yourself so I'm glad you know that! It was scary when I read "Awwww, what a drink it was. It felt perfect." because alcohol for an alcoholic is like kissing a beautiful woman who beneath that perfect facade is the devil himself. That's how I look at drinking for myself. A deceptive liar that for some reason desperately wants to get me into it's grasp so it can ruin my life and make me a slave forever. This post might sound extreme, but from what I've experienced, it's not an exaggeration. Get away while you can, and definitely follow Dee's advice and talk with a doctor so you can safely detox from all that stuff. I wish you the very best!!!