Hi Robster and Welcome to SR,
.. but with his physical, emotional, and verbal abuse... .
My AH (22yrs) has been verbally and emotional abusive to me all our married life and I have always excused this behavior on his drinking alcohol. I was discussing this with my therapist this week and she was talking about how bad behavior can not be blamed on alcohol. It has more to do with a persons morals and values. Not all men who drink are abusive, they control their behaviors and know right from wrong - their own personal values/morals tell them that abusing a woman is not acceptable. All alcohol does is act as an avenue to loosen the drinker to abuse but the abuser only abuses because he lacks values and morals.
I am coming to terms with this, as I know that even if you take the alcohol away from my AH, he will still be a husband with personal values, beliefs that makes him think it acceptable to verbally abuse a woman (his wife). I know now that I certainly dont deserve to be verbally abused and will never accept this behavior again. Since I have started 'calling' him on anything remotely unacceptable, the abuse has stopped.
You will get plenty of great reply's coming along but this was the part of your thread that jumped out at me, as I can relate.
Al-anon, therapy, counseling, reading - please look into ways of healing yourself, abuse removes all your own reasoning, self worth etc and you will definitely need to get healthy again to move forward in a healthy way.