Besides beating yourself up over your situation, what positive actions are you doing to improve your situation? Sulking in the "could of's and should of's" of life is not an appropriate means of accomplishing your goals. My life "could of and should of" been different and better, but it is not. It is what it is and if I want to improve it, then I need to do something about it U]today[/U].
What actions are you taking today to improve your lot?
Remember, many of life's rewards are not always directly in our control. They don't always happen on our time or on our terms. The reward system of life is much different than the reward system of drinking (if you want to call drinking a reward).