Dear atalose,
Thank you for your warm welcome! I needed the reminder that my AD is still an active addict. Thank you so much for your post!!! My HP knew I needed to read what you wrote today.
I can so identify with you about "Your heart wanted to believe every word he said, those words, keep giving me hope that there was a chance he'd recover".
Actions do speak louder than words. My daughter has certainly used her words as tools. She would send me mushy cards telling me how wonderful I am and how much she loves me. Then in a couple of days she would send me an e-mail telling me what a terrible mother I am. She has verbally abused me unmercifully. She has told me that I smothered her with "too much love." Then she would say, "I had abandoned her." One day, I asked her, "Which is it? Too much love or abandonment." I know it is her disease talking or writing. I know...been to enough meetings...enough therapy...enough books to know that I didn't CAUSE her disease.
This morning, I was thinking,"Her birthday is in May. Am I going to send her a birthday card? I have always sent her a birthday card(along with generous gifts). I would be horrible if I did not acknowledge her birthday." Yet, I believe my inaction would definitely be an action. Honestly, I should not even be thinking about May. I need to just get through TODAY!
Thanks to all who have encouraged me. It means so much to me. I thank my HP for each one of you!