Be gentle with yourself, you made mistakes in the past, what you do differently today is what matters.
Thank you for this important reminder. This is a big one.
Chatting with healthier male friends is also good therapy for me, to realize there are many good, fun people out there (really FUN not the alcoholic "fun" that really is just misery)
He had a major problem with this, he could not grasp the concept that I could have a male friend and not be "physical" or "sexual". Right before he found this new "love of his life", he actually demanded that I choose them or him. I told him I would never abandoned my friends again. Now that I think of it though, I have more true love for a few of my close male friends then I ever did Chris. They build me up, not tear me down. And since I came from a home where my dad was an alcoholic, followed by 2 disfunctional long term relationships, it is HUGE for me...to have that validation from a man that I am a good person, I am fun, kind, smart, and beautiful just the way I am. I don't know, just made me feel less "flawed" I guess. That it really is him, and not me.