Thank everyone, for all the support, it is all EXACTLY what I needed to hear. And on my days where I obsess, I can just come and reread this over if I need to.
Everyone is so right, too...it's amazing, how everyone really does know my mind...makes me feel very much less alone in my struggles.
I did change the number once, they even did it free as a courtesy...he got my new one from a mutual friend of ours.
He pretty much has left me alone, only texted me once this past week, and I don't text him, so right now, there is no urgency to spend the $35 to change it again.
He has hurt me, and my son, tremendously, I have cried so many tears over him. And my son has really suffered internally from all of it. I STILL feel the guilt over that. I wasted so much precious time on him, when it should have been spent on my precious little man. Still working on forgiving myself for that, some days are better than others. Ironically enough..now that I am trying to draw closer and closer to my son, he turns 12 next month, so of course he is pulling away, becoming more independent and I am "not cool" in his eyes.
I guess I can be thankful he is independent...he could have had serious issues considering what he has went through. He really is a great kid, makes me laugh every day.
XABF didn't like the changed me. He wanted me to be the person I was when we met, revolving my world around him, putting him on a pedestal, etc. I think it was in another thread I was reading how A's get desperate if they think they might be abandoned, and try getting someone else in the wings as a replacement. He was constantly needing me to be more loving, more reassuring, more this, more that...but I think he knew that I was stronger. I was showing more "self-love", and he didn't like it.
It is amazing how much better they become at their own game...they can adapt to so many different personalities/people/situations. They are like chamelions (sp?) almost...