I know it is hard to feel like you stood by someone during all the rough times, only for them to turn tail and run when they get sober (what you were always hoping for). Its such a dichotomy. We get involved with an active alcoholic, put out ALL this energy to protect them and WISH for them to be someone different. The problem with that is that we are in love with the IDEA of a person...not an ACTUAL person. We don't really know who they will be if and when they ever get sober. Alternately...THEY don't know who they will be or what THEY will want.
There are some great readings in the stickies at the top of the forum. If you haven't considered going to an AlAnon meeting, you might look for one in your area.