Codependent Parent and Child Relationship?
I'm going to try and make this as brief as I can.
Basically, my mother and I have no real relationship. We didn't do the stuff mothers and daughters do together, she didn't even help me pick out my wedding dress, or help me when my babies were born. I have initiated plenty of talks regarding us working on our relationship, blah blah.
Now I'm 37, with a 16 year old daughter. Ever since I had her, I've tried to be a better mom than my mother was. My biggest fear is her and I not being close. Well, over the past few years, she has had a rough road, made some really bad decisions, and gets bad grades etc..
I guess, the bottom line is that when shes unhappy I'm unhappy. When she is making bad decisions in her life, and being self destructive, I find myself in a black hole of depression. I completely shut down, obsess about what I can do differently, if I did something to make her this way, how I can help, or who I can talk to about helping her. I actually have a really great life, but when shes on the downslide, I cant escape depression. My happiness completely depends on her happiness.
I have gone above and beyond to do things for her. I try and stay one step ahead of her. Basically I try and control her, and we all know that doesnt work!
I cant find anything about codependency and this mother/child dynamic. I think its different than being in an adult relationship. When youre a parent, there has to be certain things you control, but I think I might take it too far. I dont know... I just want to be able to seperate myself from her and her issues.
Any comments or ideas??