HI.
No, I can say with almost certainty that it is not this healthy, glowing, wonderful situation.
My A would leave, find a girl who had gaping holes in her self esteem, he would slather on the charm, and the VICTIM stories. They always wanted to rescue him.
She is MARRIED. it is not helathy.
Even if she leaves her husband, and she is a "good person" who doesnt take crap...There is something fishy.
After all, you are also a good person. We all are good people who got ensnared with alcoholics. Who fell victim to another persons disease.
Pleas, do not obsess over whether she is "better" for him, or more tolerant, or more compassionate than you have been.
There is no comparison. You are acting out of good parenting instinct. You fell back to old patterns, you caught yourself.
He was laying on you all the "Ive changed, I love you, I want us to work.." just a little while ago. He is now laying something on her, and for whatever reason, (which is not your problem) she has puzzle pieces that fit his dysfunction right now..
A sick and dying parent, a failing marriage.
These are unhealthy terms under which to start a new relationship, and I imagine he is a bit of a diversion or a distraction from some real pain she is living with.
Do not mistake that for love. If this lasts longer than a few months, and the dust settles, and it may take longer, he will show his real colors.
I worked with a man for 20 years who could be called a tyrant. We worked together creatively. Once a very high profile producer was working with us, and Tyrant was pulling the same tricks, and I became beat down, sad, angry. Producer pulled me aside and said something I will never forget:
" You cannot take this personally. He will treat anyone the same way as long as they allow him to. "
I ended up leaving the project. Because I did not want to allow it anymore. You did that, fell back a little, and she will probably do the same, but its not your homework to worry about.
Your ex isnt magically warm and receptive and wonderful with her. She is not perfect, and I know your mind well. I know what you are thinking and how it feels.
You dont have to do this to yourself.
Forgive yourself for falling back with him, and look ahead.
and, PS; karma does have a way of working itself out. we have to sometimes let go of the notion that we are going to see the end result. The universe knows what to do. Your job is to take care of you and your son.
God Bless