Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
Hopeworks, I very much appreciate your entire post but this in particular:
is VERY helpful perspective. Thank you so much. I am going to do just that. I am going to approach my HP in complete honesty and tell my HP how I feel.
It's weird, when I think about it, how could a person who believes they have no worth, a person who is empty, who believes they are no one and nothing, put forth effort to care for themselves, take care of themselves? I tell people on F&F all the time that they must take the best possible care of themselves as they can. And I have really been putting forth effort to take care of me since I chose sobriety again about two years ago. And I realize I have been faking it this whole time!!!! Faking it. I've been taking things from here and there, like tips from health articles and newsletters from my health insurance and self-help books, piecing together these ideas about what self-care means and trying to follow these tips the best I can. But really not doing all I know I need to do, not making major changes I need to make for my health and well-being. It just jives with my belief you gotta Fake It Till You Make It. I hope I can learn to do it for real this time.
Thank you thank you thank you everybody who has been kind enough to share on this thread.
Learn2Live, while things may seem bleak right now as you are struggling with your feelings of not having any self worth and life is a struggle for you to do the things you need to do for yourself it this "valley" that is causing you to make this deeply honest and sincere search for your HP! Lets face it... the truth is that there are no atheists on the plane while both engines are on fire and its going down. It is very rare for people to go on deep spiritual quests when they "feel" like their world is perfect and they are too busy eating, drinking and making merry to give much thought to the subject.
View the struggles you have had to overcome in perspective ... they were very bad but your survived and that bad time is now in the past and that experience is part of the reason that you are now on this deep journey for honest self discovery and meeting and developing a relationship with your HP. Because I relate to your pain and honest skepticism from my own jouney I am sharing my own experience with you and someday you in turn will share with others your own experiences that you are now walking day by day.
More will be revealed ... but the things of greatest value are only found if we take the time and put forth the sincere effort needed to look hard for them. You are NOW doing what you were created to do... seeking out and sincerely trying to determine what God's will for you is as an everyday practice.
Back in the earliest days of AA (when the Oxford Group was the main influence) it was taught that you could and should be hearing directly from God during your quiet times on an everyday basis. They practiced two way jounaling ... there are lots of journals from AA's during this era including Dr. Bob's wife's. The movement was all about a return to authentic Christianity of the 1st century that was all about relationship with God and with others and was based in home groups and not organized churches.
Those that followed this deeply spiritual path and the instructions of the early pioneers had a recovery rate of 75% to 92% documented.
As my Dad was a severe alcoholic who never was emotionally available I view my HP as the Dad I never had and that is how I talk to Him... when I journal it is like writing Him a letter full of my own questions, thoughts and emotions. I ask Him to help me with the answers and then I meditate (listen for the answers I am seeking) and if I get them I write them in my journal in a difference color ink. I have a girlfriend who is incredilbe journaler and she has hundreds of journals going back over 20 years. She can pull a journal down from her bookshelf and tell you what was happening in her life and what God said about it!
Once you connect with God in this way you are never the same... because if you the God of the Universe thinks you are so speical He wants to hang out with you and be a part of your life as Daddy's favorite little girl or boy ... well, life no longer is meaningless and we have hope for our future, for eternity in fact and we KNOW we have value because He created and formed us and LOVES us!
Can I explain why there is pain and suffering in the universe? I can give you the Christian worldview and it makes sense out of a lot of senselessness and the horrors of what man does to man. I view the things that are so hard to understand with the serenity prayer and stick with what I know. I have met God and believe He is real and trust Him to work out His plans in my life and eventually wipe away all of tears and remove evil forever.
So... the journey of a 1000 miles begins with the first step! You are already there... be honest... talk to Him like He is a loving father and listen quietly for His answers. Work the steps.. they are God breathed and your life will change and you will change how you feel about YOU... as the little kid used to say "God don't make no junk"!!!!!