I've tried it many times but I just cannot live with people like your spouse Pixilation. In fact, I can't even be NEAR them. They suck the life out of me. That negativity and always arguing about anything and everything is TOXIC. I don't know about "a-hole syndrome," but I learned it's just the way they THINK. And it's REAL hard to change the way someone else thinks.
Keep focusing on you, reading and posting, and going to AlAnon if you can. (((hugs)))