Bring on the big guns...lol.
Nope, no big guns.
It sounds to me and this is JMHO that you are in love with the MAN HE COULD BE not the man he is TODAY.
With that being said, ................................ how about doing a Pro/Con list on the person he is today? ie the bouncing off the walls, the mood swings, the lack of help around the house, not spending time with his child, his paranoia, his childish ways, etc And see what you come up with.
I still believe your idea of having him move out is a good one, and preferably to a Sober Living House. The reason I suggest the SL is there will be 'rules' and 'routine' he will have to follow. There will be 'regimentation' in his life. Part of the requirements (each house is different) will be that he has to attend X number of meetings per week, he will have to do chores, he will start to learn how to 'interact' with others, there will be 'house meetings' and slowly he will earn privileges, privileges that will allow him more time away from the house to visit his child.
Certainly going to the 'bar' will not be allowed, and just going for coffee without a meeting first will probably also be a 'no no.'
It is something you really need to think about. Suggest to him and see how he 'reacts.' His reaction will be an excellent clue as to how serious he really is.
I realize that this whole situation is like you trying to swim in quick sand and there are times when you also do not know if you are coming or going, and yet you keep the house running, the groceries purchased, the meals made, take care of your son, etc I know this is hard for you, and the fact that you are so willing to come here and share and ask for help is a big plus for you.
Please know that we are with you in spirit.
Please keep posting as we do care very much!
Love and hugs,