Feeling annoyed and manipulated ..again.
Is this normal?
b/g RAH is leaving in August. I know it's for the best. But as someone told me he's an A, getting a reaction from me is part of the MO and when nothing else has this is the last resort.
I'm feeling like he's moved on to even bigger guns now. His hour long AA mtgs have now turned into all evening events. He often calls and checks in, I know he really is hanging w/ his single AA buddies (so the "other woman" aspect isn't even a possibility in my mind). But he knows this is a major annoyance for me. I'm left dealing w/ the kids, trying to study, take care of dinner, the house and everything else on my own because he thinks that he "needs that time for my recovery".
I know he's trying to manipulate me again. He told me that someone cornered him at a mtg and wants us to go to a wkly church marriage seminar. I looked at him and asked
"WHY? I know your sick, I know I'm sick. I know I don't want to ever go through this again...and August is the light at the end of the tunnel for me...so no, I don't want to go."
It's not that I DON'T want to save our marriage. I do. But I know it won't change unless he gets better AND I get better. It may not work out for us ever. I can live with that knowing that I will never again have to put up w/ the crap I put up with now.
I think that ticks him off. I think he wants me to beg and plead w/ him to stay. That my friends, is NOT going to happen.
I do love my husband.
But simply put, he is not good for me.
And that isn't good for my kids either.
He does stuff like, okay. He's going to the grocery store. The whole reason is because I'm studying. So right before he walks out the door he turns up the stereo in the living room and leaves.
Ummm....I can't even hear myself think in here no less study. He KNOWS that.
He isn't even here to listen to it. so why did he do that? Passive agressive much? Wanna interupt my studying? Want to find a way to disrupt my plan to graduate in August...because then he CAN'T leave...and it would be MY fault?
Man, sounds like I'm a parnoid nutball...but being that I've lived w/ this for almost 20 yrs and the only difference in behavior now is that he is not actively drinking...well I know his M.O. well.
so I believe he's still trying to manipulate things.
Last night I had something going on at work. Mandatory. then we were all going out for dinner together. Of course.... I'm doing something I want to do so he calls and says... "why don't we go out to dinner tonight?"
I remind him I have this thing going on...and he asks "but you can skip it can't you?"
REALLY?
When's the last time you gave up anything for ANYONE else?
Not for me, not for the kids. He does what he wants when he wants and doesn't care about how it affects us at all.
Then I get home after. He's still out w/ his mtg buddies. His one hr mtg turned into a 4 hour deal.
I'm glad I didn't give in.
I would have been sitting here alone anyway while he was "working on his recovery", which usually involves playing x360 or drinking coffee w/ his buddies.
manipulating sob is pi#$ing me off!!