Hi Cantdoit,
I'm in the same shape as you and married well over 30 yrs. My AH thinks everything is fabulous and I have a feeling that he'll always think that as long as he's drinking. I'm so sick of this life with him but he doesn't get it and I really don't think he ever will. I told my counselor one day about him drinking all day and then in the evening saying he wanted to watch a movie with me. He would immediately fall asleep as soon as he sat down. My AH is also not physically abusive though I would say that he is emotionally abusive. He doesn't pay attention to me at all and then anytime I try to discuss anything with him he doesn't want to talk about, he says that I'm trying to start something. It's an impossible relationship that we are seeking with these men. I know that we can do better and that we can do it.
I talked to a lawyer this week, and he told me to talk to him. I know that when I talk to him he'll either:
1. not take me seriously or
2. try to get revenge because he is taking me seriously or
3. try to manipulate me into feeling guilty for even thinking such a horrible thought.
How do we even approach the subject with our AHs who are so out of touch? I know that life has more to offer us than what we are getting from them. I know happy couples who really love each other and are happy many years after marriage. Heck, at this point I don't even care if I'm alone for awhile because I'll probably need that time to get my serenity.
It's amazing that we can live with our AHs for so long and they don't really know us and we don't know them.
I know we can both do this. I'll encourage you and you encourage me and all the others like us on here who are tired of living their dream and not ours.
I agree it is sad and especially around Valentine's day. I don't even feel like pretending with him anymore.