Just Joined
Hello Everyone!
I am joining because It's time to get it right.
Also because of another post I read.
10 years ago I met a special someone in a bar (where else)
I didn't know he did drugs or drink alot until I had fell for him. So that
kind of cemented my co-dependency issues right there.
It was a crazy train, and I actually started to drink with him often.
My friends said I had changed and we had some heated discussions.
I stopped drinking and broke it off after he became physically abusive and my abandonment issues surfaced huge.
So I went into private therapy for over a year to sort out my feelings.
We kept talking on the phone once every 6 months, and than once a year.
He always called me and talked the most, he talks alot.
Than he showed up on my door step and the ride began again.
Only not the same way, I did not act like a co-dependent and I think
it freaked him out a bit, because when he started to play the disappearing act, this one now is going on 2 months, I don't react too much.
I just state what I want and need in a relationship and leave it at that.
I have a busy life, friends, huge family and things are always going on.
But lately, I've been finding that I have been manipulating him, giving him
ultimatums that are making me feel like I have fallen back on my recovery and also making me feel huge guilt for his recovery.
I really didn't know until I was reading here just how bad it can be for him.
I always think in normal everyday terms of living and liking and loving and so get very confused by his actions/reactions or lack there of.
I am trying to decide if any contact is doing anyone of us any good.
I have told him I love him, and have asked him if he loves me, he says.
"What do you think" to which I say "It's not my decision for me to tell you whether or not you love me, but because you won't answer yay or nay I won't pursue the issue with you because it will only upset us"
My question today is, why does he always talk about his recovery so often. Why does the conversation always end up talking about drug use and drinking binges. Sorry I don't show it, but it gets to sound like a broken record. I can only think maybe he's using again. I see him so seldom that I wouldn't know. But it's always made me suspicious as to his constant chit shat about his past habits or present for all I know.
He tells me to ask him anything and he'll be straight up, but this is not the case. It's always flourished with "What do you think?" What's up with that?