Originally Posted by Bolina

Aww, cg ((((hugs)))) This bit is soooo crap, isn't it? Just when you thought that all the heartache was over, all the crud gets stirred up from the bottom.

I get it. I felt that way too. Still do, on occasions when I am feeling below par, truth be told, and I am a long time out. I think it's a yin/yang thing - if I could just get him to listen and understand (and change), then all the crap will have been worth it. Otherwise, I went through all of that for nothing.

Of course, those thoughts are based on nonsense. I said it all before, but he didn't listen then. There isn't another way to say it so that he'll get it - it's not my communication skills that are at fault here! Also, his recovery will never be worth what I went through. This isn't a zero-sum game where he wins, I lose.

IIRC, your ex was majorly abusive and violent. The alcohol is but a side issue. Whatever it takes, you have to come to terms with the fact that people like that are not affected by words. They are not even much affected by actions. All you can do is protect yourself from them. Opening yourself up in terms of the hurt that they caused you will only serve as an opening for them to hurt you more, even if it is simply by ignoring you pur your heart out. And just add to their file of injustices against them.

Have you written a letter to him and then burnt it? Beaten a pillow until you can beat it no more? Made an effigy of him and stuck pins in it?

And block his number!!!!!