You could retitle your post, "How do I get him to change/get it?"
But it is not our job to get them to change.
As I have heard on this board before - Sobering up a jerk still leaves you with a jerk.
I don't know that your husband is a jerk.
But, it appears he isn't listening.
I have heard that it can take alot of time for a RA to deal with more than the alcohol issue. Some, eventually, change other behaviors, too.
The question for you is are you willing to wait?
What is acceptable? What is not?
How long can you wait?
Make those decisions for you and he will fall in or out of that circle.
Once you make the decisions for you, you can stop hoping and waiting and getting angry.
You can accept he is who he is right now and that's it.
He may or may not change.
Look to you and finding peace for you.
Hugs