atalose, my husband left in dec.2009 after a huge arguement about his pill use, not working, sitting around his behaviors....etc..etc..etc..all the same stuff about trying to get a loved one into rehab. I reached my breaking point.
after he left I was devastated.
we kept in touch in the beginning, but it was going nowhere, I wasnt doing much better communicating with him, in fact, I got very angry and had severe panic attacks, I was afraid we would never get back together and he would never get sober.
he hasnt. nothing has changed.
he filed for divorce in oct.for financial reasons, he has no money and lives with a couple half his age who also have no money. I dont have any money,but we have a home, he wants his share.
I was going to file for divorce in dec. for abadonment (1 year in NJ) but he beat me to it, doesnt matter cause it seems to me that no matter what happens in a split it still comes down to finances. I cant even say for sure I would have filed in december anyway. I believe my HP was in control of that and still is.
this is a struggle, actually 3 struggles. one our marriage is over after 26 years, 2. I have to do the legal stuff and 3.try to figure out where my life is going.
I get very sad and lonely. Im very scared if I will ever be happy and find someone.
I enjoy my alone time though too, I work fulltime, go home and cook what I want (very healthy) I run and exercise daily. But the nights and weekends are the worse. I just come on the forum or watch tv.
I go to the movies,shopping,dinner with my niece who I am very close to, she lost her mom when she was 12 from cancer. I love spending time with her,but
its not the same as socializing with people my age.
I dont know where to go for that. all our friends moved on and are married with kids and now grandkids!
I did join a divorce/seperation/widow support group. its okay ,its something to do and I get to talk to others. last week I said Im scared about dating and really dont know where to start and not sure Im ready, one guy said its like being in high school again. I said..yeah but at least in highschool I was social and had alot of friends!!
BUT, it is what it is. I know the 3 c's..somehow someway just got to get through each day and hope for the best and I believe something good will come out of this, him leaving and us divorcing could be a blessing in disguise.
for now, I need to keep going to therapy and work on my issues from this huge change in my life. I do see a difference in me from last year,so thats a good sign. I am considering to volunteer or start joining groups for like zumba, line dancing etc..but still have to work on my self esteem and give it more time to heal as there was alot of damage done.
I thank everyone on this forum for getting me to where I am today and for educating me about addiction and most importantly for giving me hope.