blwninthewind

It was a strange morning, every song on the radio (and I constantly switch stations) was a song about love and loss and then I had this really amazing experience.

I had can't explain the details of how I came to know this person but I was granted the oppty to sit and talk with an elderly man who had lived many aspects of MY life.

As I sat and listened to him, I listened to his life story. I don't even know how the conversation began but I know I didn't once mention my family or husband so for him to rely something so personal it just floored me. He shared his feelings of guilt and talked about his wifes illness and sometimes I gently patted his hand when he cried over finding his bi-polar alcoholic wife's body when her last attempt at manipulation went awry and he couldn't get there in time to save her like he had in her past attempts, I understood. Finally I understand what I have to do. It was like God put this man in my path, at the right time in the right place. I could really feel him saying to me.... Look, I'm showing you the future...go now. I wish I could explain it; I walked away w/ a new found courage. I'm not angry anymore. I'm still hurt that I'm not enough for him, whether that's just him Quacking or not...
it's time for his disease to stop holding me hostage and I need to save myself because Lord knows I can't save him.