I can honestly say I have no advice. I'm in the same boat but it was my husband who has decided to leave.
I'm taking a mental health class in college and one of the things my instructor said really stuck with me. She said even in the best of circumstances the addict (whether it be drugs or alcohol) will ALWAYS try past coping mechanisms and part of that is manipulation.
and just the other day when I was so upset about my own situation someone made it clear that I'm giving him EXACTLY what he wants ...a reaction. He doesn't care if it's fear or anger...and when I thought back over the years I realized how right she was.
So while your AH is okay with it today...you need to be on watch for the backlash...because it's coming my friend. If he could separate from a relationship in a healthy way then he would have a healthy relationship to start with and there would be no need for a separation.
I know your hurt. I'm so sorry. But I keep telling myself that I am worthy of a healthy relationship with a healthy person. I deserve more than what I've got now or will always have if I beg and plead him to stay. More than that I'll lose what little self respect I have left after nearly 20 yrs of hell.
Tell yourself whatever you have to in order to follow through...that's what I'm doing and I'm slowly begining to believe it!!!
Good luck....we're here for you!