Today is day 51 maybe I’ll stop counting soon but for now it helps me stay my course and more importantly stay away from the addict.
I’ve been struggling with grief lately and lack of a real support system. There are things I would like talk about and talk through to help my thought process along but often my “normal” friends are just not understanding of the tremendous loss I’m feeling. We were together 10 years that’s a long time, not something I can just process and let go of in a few weeks.
I will continue to work my program, I will continue to post here and attend my al-anon meetings. I am trying to keep myself busy, keep my thoughts busy with positive things for ME and MY life.
It’s really simple for me as none of my friends talk with him, see him or know anything about his life today without me in it. I haven’t talked to his mother since before Christmas and I’ve purposely not reached out to her until I am a little father down my recovery path. I’m sure she understands me needing my space right now, she also kept saying “if you both love each other then that’s all that matters and it will work out when it’s time”. Guess I don’t want to hear any fantasy hope tales right now as I am trying to grieve them as well!!! The not so perfect wonder life we did share when he was clean and not using pills is hard to forget, hard to give up.
I miss someone calling me during the day to just say hi and see how my day is going.
I miss someone telling me “I love you”. I miss someone who is happy at the end of his long day to see me and to just relax and talk about our day.
I feel I am getting stronger and I do know I will survive this, it just sucks!!!!! and my heart is really hurting.