Wow. I hear you! My husband is so similar- amazing dad, works nights, sits in the car and drinks vodka before coming in to go to bed. It breaks my heart. We're in the process of seeking support/ counseling, he has at least admitted to the problem. I don't have much advice except to not ignore that it is a problem. Detach, do what you need to be happy, but do not deny what is going on. I ignored all the red flags in this now 4 yr marriage. I shrugged off what I saw, and the longer I have stayed blind to it the further apart we have become. Best of luck to you.