Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
Glad to hear things are going well for your wife, Marlin, but I do have a bit of concern about what sounds to me like overly-controlling behavior tendencies on your part. I realize a lot of that has felt necessary to keep the ship afloat, but it is not really conducive to a good marriage or a healthy lifestyle.
I'm not trying to jump on you, it's just something you may want to keep an eye on. The only person you can really control is yourself. And even when you CAN control your wife, it isn't really your place, or your right, to do it.
This is a 100% true statement and I do not feel 'jumped on' at all. I fall into the personality type of an ENTP. Unfortunately, via my career, I have evolved into an even more controlling person as it greatly increases my chance of success in the military environment. I often non forcefully control my wife in the aspect that she makes poor choices and I try to prevent those poor choices. Her abuse of meds has made this controlling worse in that it made me have to control her for safety. I can't stand to see people fail when the solution is right in front of their face.
She gets tattoos, but I put the stipulation that they shouldn't be visible in business clothes. Why eliminate a future job position because of an impulsive decision now? I have several tattoos, at my wife's request, just none are visible in slacks and short sleeve shirt...except she did convince me to get one fairly small tat on my inner forearm.
I plan all of our family outings, where we go on vacation and so on. She always defers to me to do it. If I asked "Where do we want to go for dinner?", she will respond with, "I don't care, just pick somewhere." I am not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg so to speak. Do I control because she makes me control or relinquishes control, or does she allow me control because I always control anyway? Not sure, that is one of the things I am going to talk to the counselor about. I am open minded about, heck, if you can call me on it just based on these postings, there must be something to it. Thank you for bringing it up, it is one of the things I need to work on. I take after my father in that aspect, the concept of if you want it done right, do it yourself.
Ironically, the doctor told me this morning that if they do write meds for her, I have to control the dosing and keep them in a safe. I said no way. My AW's primary complaint is that I am too controlling, no way am I accepting responsibility for her meds and their control. If she wanted a pill and I wouldn't give it to her, she would say I am using the meds to control her. That is why I am not visiting unless she tells me to. I am trying to put her in control again. It is hard on my part, another sign that I have a problem, but I am working on it.