Well, in the last few days I have talked with my wife four 3 or 4 hours. I talked to her current doc for a few hours as well. She is doing a ton better. She offered to stay the 28 days on her own!! The doc said she is finally going with the therapy and not trying to fight it anymore. From talking to her, it sounds genuine now and she invited,even encouraged my MIL and me to come visit her when we are allowed to. She also has shown a persistent desire to get stuff to do her hair, and nicer clothes. That is a good thing as well, they won't allow her to have makeup, but authorized her brush and pick to be brought in, they store them in a safe place to prevent any danger to the other patients that could take them from her. She hasn't cared about her appearance since she got there.
The doc and I talked about her past, and we now understand why this has happened. The drug and alcohol abuse, the emotional abuse toward me (and early in her life her parents/siblings). He diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder. I did some research, you could write a book about her. It fits that perfectly. Upon further research, it is often treated as bipolar, or just anxiety and so on. Drugs are NOT to be prescribed to someone with this disorder as it just makes the other problems worse. The only one they are going to treat with meds is depression due to the possibility of suicide, and the fact that she has never abused them in the last 10 years. She gets that she can never have any drugs/alcohol again that have any type of dependency associated with them. BPD patients are quickly addicted to anything. Gambling is another problem, which she has, when we lived in San Diego, there were times that I dragged her out of the casino crying or screaming. Fortunately its not a problem here since there are none, and no online gaming allowed in SC either.
Her treatment is all based on behavioral therapy. This fits so well, her EXTREME hot and cold toward me, her late night exploits, her inability to keep stable friends for any period of time,her chemical abuse... The list goes on. One thing that doesn't match, most women (and it is a 7:1 ration for those diagnosed with this disorder that only affects 1-2% of people in america) tend to cut themselves. He thinks this is explained by the fact that she likes piercings. I have limited them to her ears(she has about 13 total in her ears, she has an eyebrow ring, and a subtle monroe piercing (a small stud that goes through your cheek, much like monroe's mole). She also loves tattoos, but I have limited these to small, indiscreet tats as well. If she had her way, she would have a ton of them. She is always trying to get me to get more as well, but I only get them where they can't be seen in business attire, and I convince her to do the same, which is much more difficult for a woman. But she is obsessed with both. That kind of fills in her cutting/poking symptom.
This is good news. On the flip side, it is a lifetime problem, as there is no cure. But as Joe used to say, "knowing is half the battle".
She told me today that she recognizes that she has different people inside her, not in the schizophrenic way, they don't communicate to one another, but rather that she can be different people, the Dr. Jeckyl Mr.hide concept.
She has also become the Mother Hen in the facility. The nurses let her where it seems to help, she does have a background in this area, and has worked in the rehab field with seniors and mentally handicapped before we had kids. Not drug rehab, but mental type stuff. This is just a different form. I feel bad for her nurses, LOL. I know how persistent she can be when it comes to helping people. She is also one of the Old Timers there. Most of the people cycle through in 5-7days. That immediately bestows her trust from the new patients as they arrive. She is no longer drugged up, so she is coherent, and I would guess from a patient perspective, an inspiration. She is so bubbly and charismatic when she is sober. That is part of what helped her score meds so easy. It is virtually impossible to not like her when she is sober and you don't know her dark side.
The doc did point out that I should go to counseling, which I already am, since I seem to thrive off of this good/evil relationship. Most BPD are diagnosed when the family dumps the sick person. I haven't done that, because for some sick reason, I seem to enjoy it. If it weren't for the kids, this would probably keep happening indefinitely until some other bad thing happened. I suppose this makes us an even better match. She apologized for her hurtful words, this therapy she is going through must be helping, she rarely ever apologizes for anything. She offered these apologies on her own, I didn't even bring it up.
It is a shame that it takes a catastrophe to bring a family together. But we will be together, and she is wanting to start her AA meetings ASAP. Once again, I stress how I understand that this is early in the process, but armed with new knowledge of her condition and how to work with it, we WILL get through this with our family safe and intact.