Thread-jacking: Coyote, you make me laugh. (Thanks!) Your 'butt-puckering response' reminds me of the movie French Kiss and the Kevin Kline character "When people tell me they are happy, my a-- begins to twitch." Maybe the other side of the coin?
Marlin, I think it's an excellent idea finding a counselor for the kids. I'm astounded that the ones you've spoken to already only talk to them if there's abuse. Keep looking; there are counselors out there that specialize in addictions and the effects on the family and kids.
Best wishes.