Originally Posted by
atalose 
summerpeach,
I’ve been having that “friends” conversation in my head for the last few days myself. I know somewhere down the road he’s going to contact me – been almost 7 weeks of no contact and he’s working a program AGAIN and has always been big on the amends stuff.
He’s also big on being noble – not wanting to continue to hurt me, he’s not good enough for me, yada yada yada. So I think I have been preparing myself for the next conversation we have might have.
And all I know is that I AM NO WHERE NEAR READY FOR THAT and I’m not sure when I will be, today I feel I never will be.
Every conversation I have with myself comes back to ME wanting him back, us getting back together, him finally getting it! Him finally having enough of what his addiction does to him/us and his life in general. So I am no where near having any kind of “friends” conversation with him because my motives are far more then being just his friend.
I also have the conversation with myself about my fears, my fear of moving on, my fear of beginning something new with someone new and just how scary the aspect of that really feels for me right now. Looking at my future is just scary and overwhelming right now when I think of a relationship with anyone else besides him, so it’s just one moment at a time, one day at a time and the main focus has to be on my own broken mirror not his.
ahhh, I love this post!
These were/are all the same fears I have and believe or not, the same fears my ex has (if he is telling the truth)
We know we both still have feelings but cannot be in a relationship. And where does that leave us and them?!
He actually said he's worried I would hurt him.
Ive been with some other men (not serious) but like you, cannot even imagine sharing my life with anyone else right now. Too overwhelming and it gives me chest pains because I just cannot think about letting a new man into my world.
The AA AL NON couples group my ex and I used to attend was started 19 yrs ago by 4 aa- al anon couples who were about to divorce.
They made the format like AA and had 4 other couples about to divorce, join the group. They came together in a group setting with all their CRAZY issues and talked it out. These couples are still together and still run this group. One of the 4 couples is the man and wife who want to help my ex and me.
In the 19 yr history of this couples group, no one seperated and those who showed up divorced, remarried.
The group rose from 4 couples and now has between 30-50 couples every week.
This couple who wanted to help are in high regard in the AA community. And they are upscale respected people.
They tell me "people make it, You just need to have hope"
You want to buy into that, but they are a small % of couples who make it and they make it because BOTH couples are in recovery and work a program like there is no tomorrow.
This is why my ex and I had hope before the cheating, these couples made us (well me anyway) believe people can heal from this.
Not sure what is the right or wrong protocol for this!
Hang tight and keep sharing