Pink...
I looked at all the threads started by you since you joined... out of 19, 6 were locked and closed!!! Seems you strike some nerves around here.
You are just doing what an active alcoholic does, you drink. Fact, not judgement.
Have you considered going for treatment... maybe a month or two in rehab will help get you sober, your head straight and any emotional/mental/medical issues you may have to get sorted out...
Seriously, consider it... The alternatives are worse.