Originally Posted by
DiskJock 
...I don't know WHAT I need. Will I be better off if I force him to move out (it's my house)? Or will I worry all the more, simply because it's what I know how to do best?
First off, welcome to SR. We're all exposed to similar situations and it may overwhelm you as you read more. So yes, you've found a great source of support and we get it.
Here's my attempt to help answer your question.
There are many times when I don't know what I
want. Therefore, I start concentrating on what I
need. When those are met, somehow my head starts coming up with all kinds of
wants. My little boy is included in this exercise.
The key is to not include the needs and wants of your AH. He's a big boy. Let him tend to himself. Wait. He already is and you're not part of it. Harsh but true.
Keep posting and keep reading. Pelican brought up the 3 Cs. Learn them and keep them in the front of you mind at all times.
You didn't cause this.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
I'll also point you in the direction of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie