Thanks, Mark.
I mentioned that I stopped my meds in September...the reason I did so was because at the time I felt like it wasn't really helping, plus I was having bad memory problems and whatnot. Soon after the last of the meds were out of my system (it took a couple of weeks) the suicidal thoughts came back and I was back into the abyss. I turned in a 2 weeks notice to work (which they let me rescind) and proceeded to have a breakdown in front of my boss. I can laugh at it now, but dang. Aparently what I was on was at least keeping me out of the abyss.
Now I'm on a different one and this time my mood is better (although I still have some bad days, but no suicidal thoughts--that's good)---but I'm having the memory/thinking/etc. problems again. *sigh* I need to tell my doc the next time I go.